A Narrative to Overcome Narrowness : (Not So) Straight Outta Roorkee
When I finally came to terms with my identity as a gay person, I realized how foolishly I had chosen to brush off my sexual identity all those years. The signs had been there since a long time but so had been the constant homophobia at IIT Roorkee. When you burn the midnight oil to study with the country’s supposedly brightest minds, you expect a progressive and inclusive environment. How difficult is it for a person, whose brain tackled extremely tough mathematics questions, to decipher that sexuality can be more complex than what they preconceived? Yet, that wasn’t the case. My peer’s treatment of homosexuality as an awkward fashion trend was deeply hurtful. Fear of widespread judgement and discrimination stopped me from coming out on campus across the years. I realize that having to explain your identity to others and fighting for acceptance can be a tiresome experience for students already dealing with academic and career struggles. As a stepping stone, coming out to your close friends can ease the burden. I was fortunate to have broad-minded friends who felt that my identity was hardly a big deal. My friendship with them didn’t change at all but I felt that a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The whole experience proved to be greatly liberating as it allowed me to embrace my identity. Friends are supposed to be selfless companions. And if they can’t accept you for even something that doesn’t affect their own lives in any way, they aren’t worthy of your friendship and are best forgotten. The next step that I took was binge-watching gay movies and TV series like The Outs, Eastsiders and Call Me By Your Name. As someone who grew up with problematic descriptions of gay people and heteronormative love stories on the big screen, it was fun to see people like me being represented in popular media. The brainwashing content gradually got uncluttered and an acceptance of broader forms of love took its place. In retrospect, I even underestimated the humanity in my peers. Over the years, I saw many of my casually homophobic peers bat against social issues like colorism and empathize with those who weren’t as economically fortunate as them. I realized that their casual homophobia wasn’t a result of active hatred but an ignorance of the harm that they were unknowingly inflicting on their LGBTQ peers. When I made efforts to bridge the ignorance, many of them wholeheartedly accepted my identity. I know that the fact that I haven’t revealed my identity in this article can be discouraging. It is a reminder of the irrational judgement and discrimination that persist till this day. I realize that it is important for us to proudly flash our fabulosity and not be held back. I have come a long way and believe that this day isn’t far ahead for me. If you belong to the LGBTQ community, I hope that you are stronger than me and can bring this important day earlier in your lives. If you are an ignorant straight person, I hope that you truly understand the extent of harm that your casual homophobic jokes in the classroom and canteen are making. I believe that many of you genuinely have a good heart. So even if you can’t walk besides us at Pride Parades, at least accept us without judgement?
